The Enneagram: A Spiritual Director’s Perspective by Emmitt Drumgoole

One of my earliest encounters with the enneagram was at the beginning of my education as a spiritual director. I was in my third spiritual direction session with Debbie, an incredibly gifted, insightful spiritual director in Dallas. This session began as it had a few times before, with a brief prayer and a time of silence. After a minute of gathering my thoughts, I began. I shared with her several experiences over the past month that left me emotionally unsettled. I had entered into the heart of my master of divinity program where time, friendships, marriage, and church commitments left me stretched beyond capacity. The stress that I encountered was taking its toll on me which was reflected in the difficulties in my relationships.

I didn’t have the words to articulate the complexity of emotions that left me unsettled. I tried to express my thoughts and feelings, but as I searched for language to express my emotional state I came up empty. Debbie, resting with the patience of a wise old friend, politely interrupted me and asked, “How long have you been angry with your friend?”

I sat there stunned and silent. What would make her ask me that? I had not mentioned anger. I did not sound angry. But, I was in fact angry. All of the feelings that I was experiencing were floating on the surface of the much deeper emotion of anger.

My spiritual director and I spent the remaining session exploring my anger that until our session, I did not realize I had. Her questions led me to discover the emotional spaces that I tend to retreat to in times of stress. Through a new-found self-awareness of my tendency to turn toward anger in times of stress, Debbie and I explored this self-knowledge as an invitation for reflection, prayer, and growth.

How did she know? Debbie never told me that she studied the enneagram. She did not direct me to an enneagram online test or a book to read. As much as I can recall, Debbie had never uttered the word enneagram to me. A year later, as I progressed through my spiritual direction program I was introduced to the study of the enneagram. This is the tool Debbie used to help my self-awareness. Spiritual directors, I learned, sometimes use the enneagram as a tool for growth.

Self-Awareness
One of the strengths of the enneagram is that it helps us become self-aware. All growth begins with seeing ourselves clearly. We don’t always like to see our vices. In many cases, we are blind to them. We prefer to see ourselves in the best light and hope that others see us that way too. In our best light, we are in places of emotional and spiritual health. But what happens when we are in places of stress in our lives and in our relationships? We tend to respond in certain ways according to our natural tendencies. If we become aware of these natural responses and how they affect our thinking, feeling, and doing, we can begin the journey of growth toward healthier living. The enneagram is a tool that does just that. It helps us see ourselves more clearly. This includes our typical responses to stressful stimuli, and how our way of engaging the world differs from others.

Learn in Community
In the past twenty years, interest in the enneagram has steadily grown in some Christian circles. This has led to quite a few thoughts on how this tool is best used. While some suggest taking a test or reading a book, the authors, spiritual directors, and teachers that I have encountered strongly recommend learning in community. It is the reason why methods such as spiritual direction, community groups, and enneagram retreats (like our Whole Life Faith Retreat on Jan 24-25) are helpful. By discussing and learning together we lay the groundwork for understanding ourselves and others. Stronger, healthier relationships are the result.

One important thing to know is that the enneagram does not do the work of health and growth for you. It is a tool that helps your awareness and points you toward the direction of growth. The journey of growth is still a dance between you and God. The enneagram just points you in the direction of the dance floor.

My meetings with Debbie helped pave the way for me to be aware of my tendency to go to a place of anger in times of stress. This was helpful for me. I am able to take this knowledge as a starting point to understand myself and my relationship with others.

As a spiritual director, I sometimes use the enneagram as a tool to help my directees in self-awareness just as Debbie did with me. But spiritual directors are not the only ones who can benefit from the knowledge of the enneagram. We all can. 2BC has a great opportunity to explore the enneagram in community this month. We will be studying the enneagram during the Whole Life Faith Retreat (Jan. 24-25). At the retreat, we will learn from Hunter Mobley, a recognized leader in the enneagram. We will gain a foundational understanding of the enneagram, become self-aware of the ways we tend to respond in times of stress or health, and learn how we can strengthen relationships through understanding others.

Whether you are new to the enneagram, curious about it, or already know your number, the retreat will answer your questions about it and will be helpful for your own spiritual and emotional health.