"Grief has an aging process" by Lisa Shoemaker

On August 8, I traveled back to my hometown (Jefferson City, MO) in order to participate in a service that First Baptist Church Jefferson City planned to publicly memorialize a great Baptist leader, pastor, speaker, wisdom-writer, friend, and people-lover:  Doyle Sager, who passed away January 22, 2021.

Dr. Sager, Doyle, served as senior pastor of First Baptist Church Sedalia from 1985-1997 when our family was privileged to serve that church under his leadership.  Some of you will remember that during his wretched cancer diagnosis, his name appeared on the Prayers for the People list at 2BC.  What you may not know about this remarkable man is that he served as president of the Missouri Baptist Convention during some tumultuous years; he was the co-founder and president of Mainstream Missouri Baptists, and he served on the national coordinating council of CBF.  He was a William Jewell trustee, adjunct faculty member at Midwestern Baptist Seminary and Golden Gate Seminary, and wrote monthly columns for both Baptist News Global and Word and Way.  The man was a passionate advocate for social justice and a mentor for many young pastors.

But to Jim, me, and our daughters, Doyle Sager was a dear pastor, friend, and voice of wisdom.  He had an infectious sense of humor, an incredibly sharp wit (don’t ever think you would get in the last word with him) and an appreciation for the arts, for rational discourse, and for compassionate action.

His daughter Kristen wrote an eloquent elegy that she just couldn’t read aloud, either in person or in some pre-recorded form, so the family asked me to read her words at Doyle’s memorial service on August 8.  I was honored to do this for a family who is so dear to mine.

One of the points that Kristen wanted Doyle’s congregation to remember came from a 2016 article that he wrote for Baptist News Global:   that grief has an aging process.  As the years pass and the death date of a loved one moves farther and farther away, we need to keep telling the stories that keep that loved one’s memory alive.

I don’t think I will forget this.  Neither should you.

We need to keep telling the stories about those we’ve lost.  Laugh at the funny things they said, recount the important events in their lives, and the words they said that encapsulated who they were.  Grief will get us all, I’m afraid, so we need to grab it by the throat and deal with it in ways that don’t destroy us.

How lovely that this man of God has left a legacy that lives on.  May we all aspire to live lives worthy of great memories.